Doggy Toys:

On a scale of 1 to 10 how hungry do you think I am right now? Take one guess and I bet you anything you’ll get it wrong. (I just laughed because I meant to type “anything” but on my first try I typed “andything” lol I bet you andything that you’ll get it wrong. Andything isn’t even a word, like haha that andything. Get it? Me either). Coocoocachoo I am the walrus and you don’t even know about it yet because you just live in your bed that is also a tent, I saw it in Skymall okay it exists it’s a thing, it’s a small tent that you put around your bed so you can zip yourself up into it and like shut out your weird creepy roommate when you live in a dorm or maybe you’re 5 and you share a room with your sibling because your parents can’t afford to have a giant mansion with all these fucking bedrooms WHAT DO YOU THINK MONEY GROWS ON TREES???? and so you close your little tent flap and get in there all like safe and cozy and you also brought your flashlight for activities like telling your stuffed animals ghost stories and you like line them all up and make them have a parade around your bed like wooaaahh look at us we are parading! And then you remember how when you go to school you never really fit in because your imagination is like waaaaay out there and when all the other girls are like, hey Jenna want to play house? And you respond with, lets play kitties except we’re space kitties that have wings and we eat bananas and we have to go to the bathroom all the time but we do it on the swings but we’re also like super smart and can make bikes move all by themselves and wear hats that tell us what time it is!! And the other girls are like, we’re not going to play with you because you’re too weird. So then you sit under the jungle gym in the wood chips by yourself and think about how Peter was picking his nose earlier and it was gross but on the plus side there are pizza nuggets for lunch today and boy I’m really looking forward to that, maybe some chocolate milk, or maybe I’ll get a grilled cheese I don’t even know I’m just very excited. Then you realize how horribly alone you are, so then the bell rings and Mrs. Walker is like, everyone come inside recess is over, so you go because you’re like so good at following rules and are very shy and scared of authority and a good kid and go through the rest of your day not really talking to anyone but you get to sit with your friend Brittany at lunch but you’re pretty sure she’s only friends with you because she likes your shoes a lot because they’re sambas, so then the day is over and you go to get on your but oh my god I almost go on the wrong bus what a careless mistake it’s Tuesday not Thursday you have piano later and not gymnastics haha how silly of me to forget, so you ride the bus all the way to your house and you sit there alone and look out the window and think about the trees and stuff and you’re like the last stop and your bus driver is so nice his name is Pedro and he has long hair that looks pretty dirty but whatever he smiles and makes jokes and when it’s that time when you have to go over the safety procedures he always makes it as fun as possible and you appreciate that, he also likes to call you Juana which you think is funny because it’s Spanish and nobody else calls you that, he’s also supposed to drop you off like way at the end of the corner but since you’re the last stop and he likes you because you’re always really quiet and good he sometimes just drops you off right at your house which is so thoughtful of him, sometimes he wears really exciting pants and has a leather jacket which you think is cool.

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