Doggy Toys:

Marbles pulled me into a tree one time and whispered in my ear “I kiss you on the dick” and I was like woah dude that’s pretty inappropriate considering that I’m your mom and your lady piece and we love each other but it’s not like that especially since I’ve seen what accumulates on your dick sometimes I mean can we say DICK CHEESE? Sometimes it’s all green and weird after you get excited or after you get a boner, like whenever you eat food you get like ravenously hungry and need to mount your teddy bear boyfriend and hump the fuck out of his little butt and then you go and lay down and put your leg up and like a little tramp floosie and lick the dick cheese out of your dick (not the jizz because you can’t, your balls aren’t there and you’re fixed now) but like the actual cheesy cheese that comes out of your little lipstick doggy dick and I’m like ewwww marbles, but what’s even worse is when you don’t lick it and you just leave it there in all it’s gooey glory and strut your ass around like you’re the man all gross and excited like you give a fuck and then you want to be put under a blanket and snuggled and you always want to make out with me after you do your teddy bear boyfriend which I’m not always sure that I’m down with because sometimes I don’t watch you to see if you licked it off your not so it’s like dick cheese mouth roulette and I’m not always willing to take my chances with that shit if you know what I mean, I mean given the opportunity to maybe have second hand dick cheese in your mouth or maybe not I feel like I’m going to take the maybe not 100 percent of the time and call it a day and high five myself over my head and then steam some broccoli and go swamp fishing and climb up a flag pole and touch the flag and then say what up to my gym teacher and help him put the volleyballs away before the next class starts and then go to lunch and then go put some fireflies into a jar and then be like hey billy where are you I didn’t see you on the bus today are you okay man and then play animal crossing on nintendo ds and then vacuum the cushions on the couch because no one ever does that and then fluff my pillows up and act like that’s what people do and then pour a carafe of wine for myself which rhymes with giraffe which ends in e which makes you pee oh say can you see in the name of your d and then we go wee down a slide in grangeeee which is a name I made up for your pup who is a mudscup which is a word I made up and an up is an up and a cup is a wup and look out for that tup HEY BITCHES BE TRIPPIN. How’s your mom doing? Good, I’m glad tell her I said hello and macaroni and cheese please. Extra pudding.

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