Doggy Toys:

Hey hey marbles is gay and he loves boys so much and he wags his tail all excited when he sees the boy doggies and he gets his little nose all up in their peepee weewee thing thing and is like why i am i always the smallest meeble in the doggy park? And he gets sad for like maybe one millisecond but then he remembers how much straight fuckin swag he has and he turns his little butt around into the dog’s face and is like, sniff that motherfucker, that’s what a real man smells like, and then the doggy does and marbles lets him do it for a minute and then will turn back around really quickly and puffs his little man chest up and is like, hey hey that’s enough, I’m a fucking man and I let you test drive it but if you want the real thing you’re gonna have to court the shit out of me. So then they run and play and meeble is always behind the other dogs because he is not very fast and is also a mommas boy and likes to stand by my feet but then he gets his confidence up and makes sure to bark at some small unassuming child that’s just minding their own business and playing with a stick or something and then he goes back into the middle of the dog park and makes sure everyone sees him and tells them all to go fuck themselves, I’m the littlest and the loudest and can’t nobody fuck with me because let me tell you something, I may not have my balls anymore but when I did, maaaaaan they were fuckin huge! You would all be so embarrassed and I need a real man in my life none of this sissy shit, somebody step up and impress me. And he just sort of looks at all the girl dogs like, pshhhh, I’m so manly I don’t even fuck with chicks, I only fuck other men. And all the dogs give him his space because he clearly runs everything and then he sends little ESP messages through their dog brains to do things like go get him croissants and berries and maybe an espresso if he’s in the mood, preferably a double but he’ll do with a single, and that occasionally even though he’s a man he enjoys receiving flowers and balloons that say things like, yayyyy meeble! and woah so many giraffes here! because that’s what real men like so the other dogs do it and then his tail gets all fluffy because he’s excited and he hasn’t found a boyfriend yet but I’m sure he will, he’s just too busy being a single little man at the moment because he’s sexy and he knows it. GIRL DOGS ARE MADE OF GIRL STUFF. Bananas.

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Merchandise (dog toys, shirts and more):