Doggy Toys:

Two little Kermits sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, then comes biting, then comes hey honey I asked you to wash my socks but they’re still in the dirty laundry basket what happened? No I mean I’m not mad I just asked you….okay… yeah… well I mean I asked you specifically yesterday if you could wash my socks because I don’t have any, like what do you want me to do work out with no socks? Okay there’s no need to raise your voice I’m just asking you like, I mean what did you even do yesterday? You stay at home with the kids all day is it too much to ask to have some clean socks in here? I mean I guess I just don’t understand what you do. Okay. And what else. Like clearly that couldn’t have taken all day. No yeah. Okay. Nope that doesn’t take all day. I mean obviously you don’t spend any of the day doing laundry so I don’t understand what the fuck you do. That’s the deal. I go out and earn a living for us and you raise the kids and do all the shit at home, like what the fuck honey that includes fucking laundry sorry I can’t be a lawyer and wash socks at my fucking job. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I love you. Honey come on I love you I’m sorry I know you’re so great at everything. Okay please stop crying. Okay that was hurtful, you didn’t need to say that. ALLLLRIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT. NO. I’m going to have a drink at the bar, don’t wait up. No yeah I’m leaving I’m not gonna stand here and take this! All I do is work and work and work so that you and the kids can have the life that you want and need, like you need all these fucking bags and purses and shoes so I go out there and work my ass off so you all can have a great life and you can’t even wash my fucking socks like are you kidding me!??! Then I come home to this….. this… hostility and anger that “hhheemmemmemeeeeee you’re never here you’re always working waaahhhh waah wah” WELL GUESS WHAT? YOUR FAKE TITS AREN’T GOING TO JUST FUCKING PAY FOR THEMSELVES HONEY. UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET A FUCKING JOB LOOKS LIKE THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE. Okay??? Hello? Oh now you’re ignoring me. Real mature. Verbal abuse?? HAH! You verbally abuse me just as much, did you ever think about that?? I have feelings too and you hurt them sometimes! Like when you say I don’t care about the kids’ baseball games and stuff, of course I do honey, I always want to be there I just have to work sometimes that’s all. Of course I want to pick you up from the salon on Tuesdays that’s like our thing, I didn’t forget that, just that one time okay? Just give me a break I’m sorry alright? I love you and I’m sorry. Will you forgive me? I’ll try to be more patient when you don’t get around to washing my socks if you won’t crucify me every time I come home from golf a little drunk okay? Is that a deal? Come on buttercup cheer up. Oh… ohhh… what’s that I hear? Is that our wedding song? I think it is….. there she is. My love, give me a kiss. That’s better. Now what’s for dinner.



Australia I’m coming for you.

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