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Oh girl let me just tell you this story about this time I was playing candy crush and wanted to throw my ipad out the fucking window into the street so it could get run over by a car and all the pieces could just sit in the environment and decay at a pace that is so slow that they have all of fucking eternity to sit there and think about how much I hate them and how much stress they have caused me because I don’t know if you know but those chocolate squares that doodoo all over my board are just about the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I can’t even stand it just when you think you’re making great progress and oh hey look at me I’m doing so well this time I might even beat this level and I got a striped candy and a wrapped candy and oh my look at that I just got a chocolate! Holy moly am I doing good, and then the chocolates start doodooing and keep doodooing and doodoo some more all over your board and OHHHH HELLLL NO DID THAT MOTHERFUCKER JUST COVER UP MY CHOCOLATE ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO GET THAT THING DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS MATHEMATICALLY TO EVEN GET THAT I MEAN THE PROBABILITY OF IT IS COMPLETELY NOT IN MY FAVOR AT ALL AND I GOT ONE AND I WAS PLANNING ON COMBINING IT WITH MY STRIPED CANDY A FEW ROWS UP TO COMPLETE MY WORLD BOARD LEVEL DOMINATION AND YOU JUST FUCKING DOODOO’D YOUR BROWN ASS MOTHERFUCKING DOODOO ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE AND NOW I’M SCREWED WHAT THE ACTUAL DICK IS THIS AND HOW DO I MAKE IT GO AWAY FOREVER!??!! And that’s the moment I thought to myself, I’ll just stand out on my little balcony, throw my ipad into traffic and that’s how the doodoo will stop. I do not get down with R. Kelly and his poopoo peepee all over you kind of fuckery and I do not enjoy getting doodoo’d on and that’s about enough. I looked out at the traffic and thought about it for a second. Then I thought, oh yeah I would be extremely pissed off if I was just driving a casual 15 miles per hour to the stop sign and hand a candy crush doodoo covered ipad hurled through my windshield so I decided against it. But I still dream about it. Some day I will make those doodoo pieces pay for the anguish they have caused me, like if I was one of those people that just loved to sue people for a living, not the lawyers, like the people that just love to sue people for slip and fall cases non stop and shit, I guess my natural next step would be to just sue those motherfucking chocolates for ruining my life. Like when I close my eyes I see candy crush and it makes it incredibly hard to have any good dreams where you wake up and are like hahahhahha oh man I’m dying laughing at my dream NO I WAKE UP AND GO AHHHHHHHHHHHHH R. KELLY JUST DOOODOOOOD ALL OVER MY BOARD WHERE AM I????

I’m in America. Psych. Trick question.

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