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Hey there diddle bear let me tell you a story about this one time that I was doing all these bicep curls at the gym guy like a boss dude and I was like oh ow my bicep hurts like big time, not like little time but like big time, and then I realized that I was only doing curls in my right arm because I want it to be really really disproportionately big like the guy in Lady in the Water (which by the way is one of my favorite movies and no one has apparently ever seen because they got all anti- M. Night Shamamalaksjlkjallalalamamayhandyman movies after The Village and like Devil and stuff which I get sort of but for real you should see Lady in the Water and then we’ll talk about it afterwards and how it made us feel and things like that because I like it a lot) and so I put down the weight and went into the locker room and looked around and was like, hey there’s nobody here, so I helped myself to some of that free hairspray on the counter even though I didn’t need it but I wanted to tame my hair like HEYYYYY IM THE BOSS OF YOU NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND so I sprayed it into my hair but it also got in my eyes and confused me as to where I was and suddenly my mind went into another dimension and I was in an alien spaceship which is totally my dream and awesome like what if you got to go hang out with aliens for the day and just ask them lots of questions about the universe and stuff and then when your mom calls you and asks why you didn’t unload the dishwasher you can be like oh sorry mom I got abducted like that’s a pretty good excuse if you ask me, nobody can argue that one, in fact I might use that the next time I’m trying to get out of something, just say oh sorry I’m on a spaceship right now because these aliens beamed me up through their house but we are still within the atmosphere and I somehow have service but look pal, they’re about to probe me with some stuff and plant computer chips that are so crazy aint nobody even know what the fuck they’re made out of into my brain so they can monitor my thoughts etc, I gotta go no big deal though don’t worry they seem friendly I’ll call you back later. Like that sounds like the coolest thing ever. And then once my eyes dissolved all of the hairspray in my eyes I realized I was still at the gym and only one bicep hurt and I also didn’t do anything except work that bicep and that was a sufficient workout only for someone that wants one huge bicep which is me so I was like welp better get my bag so I put in the combination to my locker and it was something like 2-24-2 something so easy to remember and then I high fived myself and realized I left a freezing cold beverage and stuffed squirrel in my locker for myself after my grueling one bicep workout and was so pleased that I just got in the shower with all my clothes on and my freezing cold beverage and my stuffed squirrel and then this other naked lady came in and was like hey look at my BUUUSSSSHHH and I was like gross lady it’s like got gray hairs in there and stuff nobody wants to see that I’m so uncomfortable so I got out and shaved my head and tattooed 6 more nipples onto my chest and abdomen and felt pretty good about the day and got some lunch. You know? Happens all the time. Squeak squeak goes the mouse that lives in a nest in a cave where are this nobody knows don’t read over my shoulder otter. Let’s paint things with our peepee together shall wee? Teehee get that joke. Me neither. Barracudas are the angry alcoholics of the sea.
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