I’m an otter I’m an otter and I’m such a clean little otter because I washed all around my hair and my boobies and all my otter stuff and otters love chicken noodle soup because that’s what I ate for dinner tonight, otters also love ottering which is when you hold hands with another otter while your floating on your back in the river when you sleep so that you don’t drift away from each other, otters hold hands because otters love each other and make up a little otter pack together and make squeaky squealy noises because all otters ever want to do is play around and have the most fun ever until it’s otter time and then you get some otter sleep by nestling into the otter nest and when otters are awake they drink tons of caffeine and love to eat bacon and watch reality tv because it is so ridiculously entertaining and otters love things like the challenge and project runway and ink master even though those people on there can be bitch ass motherfuckers and then otters love to eat sandwiches for lunch and chicken for dinner because otters love eating so much and then otters love to play with their furry baby otters and take them to the baby otter park so they can run around and play with the other furry baby otters and they’re just little otters and are completely dependent on the big otters and that’s okay because all the otters have a deal that as long as you’re just a magical little otter than you can be in the otter family and all the otters will take care of you and otters love to have fun on the weekends and play otter pong and go to the otter lodge and laugh at other otters on the internet and play otter games together, and they ride around in otter mobiles to get from place to place and hang out with their otter friends and when they talk to each other they say things like, oooooottttterrrr?? are you there?? and ot? ot? where are you ot? I miss my otter where are you ot? And they call their otter parents on the phone and they’re all like mommy otter daddy otter how are you guys doing I miss you so very much you should come to my house and I’ll cook you otter dinner and show you how growed up I am and then I’ll come to your house where you can make fun of all my dumb choices I made as an otter child and look at pictures from when you were a newborn otter and then you say bye otter parents I’m back into the world and then you go back to your otter nest and sit on the floor and play candy crush. I guess by otters I mean people. I just described people. Damnit I blew it I thought I was on to something there. Otterland.
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