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So there’s this show I enjoy called master chef and this guy on it named Luca who is electric and only ever wants to cook italian food makes me crack up laughing because every time he presents a dish that’s not italian i fully expect him to be like (in italian accent) gordon ramsey I cook you this aaaaa how you say, fucking burrito because that was the challenge that ah you gave me and so I make ah you a burrito stuffed with tortellini and covered it in marinara sauce oh and i also put a liiiiiitttle tiny mexican flag on the top and ah lit it on fire because fuck mexico. Next time why you no ah give us a pasta making challenge you know because i cook ah so good and you never give me chance to suckkaseed chef, why you always do this to Luca. Making us cook with ah fish and make ah da sushi and things that we never make in italia and fuck you. I come on ah master chef to win and become my dream of being best chef in de world and bring all the joy to italia and you make Luca cookings ah barbecue and ah da greek ah food and fuck greece and things that Luca never ah eat. Luca only eat and make ah da pasta and stuff it with chicken and italian herbs and more pasta and then put the pasta in ah da lasagna and cover it in roma cheese and bake it inside ah da pan made of pasta don’t you know? How you say ahhhhhhhhhh this ah challenge no fair for Luca because ahhhhh how you say, fuck you. In italia I cook best pasta that ever ah eaten in ah de worlde. Next week I make ah you an omelet covered in pasta with my middle finger in it and then I serve it to you on ah flat piece ah of pasta and say fuck all ah of this. Luca win money now and mexico burn. If I win cooking book I call it “All the World Burn and Italia Best Country Ever Taste My Pasta” by Luca and first copy I get I burn it on gordon ramseys burrito I ah make him and then eat ah da pasta for lunch and sit ah in a big chair and laugh at all peoples who are not italiano. I make ah you pies stuffed with mozzarella cheese and fusilli and alfredo sauce on ah everything and say fuck ah china and spain and japan and america and all de other countries no good italia is de best.

But that never happens, so I keep watching hoping someday it will because I love Luca. He makes me lols. If you haven’t seen master chef then lets talk about another show. You start. Hello I’m waiting this is a two way conversation here dickhead. Cool nippies make for snow angely sippy cups.

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