Doggy Toys:

Woah woah you guys guess what, so the other night right after I saw Fast and Furious 6 (which was mind blowing by the way and I actually piddled in my pants a little at that one part when Dom and Michelle Rodriguez fly across that bridge into each others arms which is completely fucking unrealistic because she was being catapulted by a tank into the air and he just straight up crashed his car into a barrier and jumped and they somehow had the same projection height which is just not even plausible on a planet with a fourth of the gravity that we have let alone motherfucking earth and I literally laughed out loud because it was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen because she like tips her head back and looks at the sky and has her arms back all like, woooaaaah look at me and my flowing raven colored hair and little tank top that shows off my nippy nips flying through the sky but it also somehow looks like I’m being abducted by aliens and or I’m possessed right now and pretty sure some priest is going to come and exercise the demons from me and they collide into each other mid air and then he still somehow has enough forward motion to propel her backwards and onto a car on the same side of the divider that she was on like come on so not even anything that would happen in my dream when everything is make believe) I saw fucking aliens for the first time ever and I literally screamed IVE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS!!!!!!! and woke up my entire neighborhood because it’s relatively quiet around here at night but do I look like I give a fuck because aliens. So after that and as I was sitting here writing this description I look over to my left and GUESS WHAT. There’s Jerome standing in the corner like he always does, just judging me like the asshole motherfucker that he is I don’t even know why I feed him, AND HIS HAIR IS MYSTERIOUSLY BRAIDED!!!! LIKE WHO WHAT WHERE WHY WHEN HOW WHAT DODGE DUCK DIP DIVE AND DODGE??? fucking aliens man they’ve infiltrated my life and before you know it I’m going to be baking some banana bread only to have it come out of the oven as a burrito and my shampoo is now orange juice and my vagina has turned into a yard stick that would be horribly uncomfortable to wear pants with but also somehow useful in terms of both measurements and a means of self defense should the occasion ever arise. Anyways though, aliens are so real and we are friends I CAN FEEL IT. Like poo when it’s trying to come out. OF A WALLABY? Squares are very stubborn circles that just never figure it out. Bellybutton dance.

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Merchandise (dog toys, shirts and more):